the ultimate strip club list

September 6, 2008  •  Vol. 15, Issue 249

It was once again time for my yearly visit to Musikfest and Erv's. Boy, the dancer quality was WAY DOWN this year. The always lovely Ashton kept a smile on everyone's face but the other 5 dancers were dreadful. This place is running on fumes. It is possible that things get better at night...but I doubt it. At least the chicken fingers were decent and the BYOB helped offset the cover charge. I may have to look elsewhere when visiting the Lehigh Valley.

Gentlemen, unless you are really bored, don't waste your time here. I was bored and in the area looking for some relaxation and entertainment.

This place is GREAT if you just want to take a six-pack of beer or a bottle of booze and toss $1 bills to descent looking chicks for a 30 second tease show comprised of eye contact.

Here's the deal: $20 entry fee gets you NOTHING but in the door. A U-shaped stage with bar seating all around and a few pool tables for the blue-collar mullet-heads to play pool in a strip club. It's BYOB. It should be BYO"E".... E for Everything. If you bring a bottle of Vodka, make sure you bring the mixer and a cup and some ice, too. A can of sprite and a paper cup of ice is $2. Crazy.

The girls, admittedly, aren't horrible. It's totally nude and smoking is OK. The girls don't get very close or intimate or enthusiastic for the dance and they hassle you during the set of 2 or 3 songs every time they make eye contact. Perhaps that's why the mullets were playing pool.

Here's the shocker in the middle of shit-box Pennsylvania: Lap Dances cost $40 each!! Yes, $40 for a 3 minute un-enthusiastic dance. The girls use time-cards to punch themselves in to get access to the "VIP" room. $40 is ridiculous. Even in the HOTTEST clubs in Florida and Vegas they don't charge that much and I can say the mileage is MUCH less in depressed Allentown. There is zero value and fun in a $40 lap dance here. For $40 bucks, I expected to be surprised.

So, Happy Hour after work with the guys.... probably not a bad deal. I'd suggest bringing beer instead of booze to alleviate the hassle of finding and/or paying for mixers. Don't do lap dances, just toss the girls a buck every now and then and try to enjoy the show.

Went to Erv's last Friday. The girls were on average 8 out of 10's. Love the BYOB. Was aa bit hard to find at first because it is in the back of the plaza. I bought my beer at the restaurant in front of Erv's but next time I will find a better store on the way over fron Jersey.

I go to Erv's once per year before heading over to Musikfest. Had a nice visit on a Friday afternoon. As always, BYOB is great. The quality of dancer is MUCH improved over last year. It is interesting to note that the dancers were more aggressive in asking for dances. Overall, the girls are friendly and approachable. I especially enjoyed talking to the exoctic Sasha and a new beautiful blonde named Lynne. Isis, formerly of the Creekside, is dancing exclusively at Erv's and looks better than ever. I had a couple dances and they were pretty hands on and far superior to the "air" dances I've had here in the past. As always, take your time to know the girls and choose wisely.

Erv's was the place to be a few years back. I can not believe how it has slipped. There was only one girl who was hot, but she was smokin' hot. The rest had no boobs, multiple tatoos, and kept wanting more ones. Cover was $15 on a Monday night, for what? The place had 4 guys, so we were all harassed. I did get a lap dance from the hot dancer, that was $40 for 3 minutes or so. She was worth it though! But, the only reason it got a 6 was the "curve" for the HOT chick!

I first walked into this club about fifteen years ago. At the time it seemed like a benchmark for nude clubs. There were a lot of great looking girls, big crowds of guys there to see them, and lousy or nonexistent private dances. (I can't remember which was true at the time.) Nowadays the cover is a ridiculously expensive twenty bucks, the quality of dancers isn't particularly good, and the place has been mostly empty the few times I've been here in recent years. The private dances still suck. Not recommended.

A true dump. BYOB but watch it, some of the "regulars" have long arms. Dancers rate a 5 at best, some 8 for looks but 0 for attitude. No private dances, stage too brightly lit, cover charge ridiculous, if you want to see what a club should not be, stop here. Only reason it gets a 1 rating is coz Founder won't let me rate it a 0.

I will not be back to this place. i should have know when I walked in the door and it was real bright and they asked for a $20 covere. I think there were about 4 girls working there. ! was ok but I saw her once and then never again. It is BYO but they don't keep it cold for you. Now muc to describe cause it was very lame. I dind't want to leave to soon I felt I had to try and get $20 worth sitting there. Girls dance for what I hear was a 20 min shift. SO you see 3 girls a hr. That sucks. Especially when there not that good to look at. Girls range from 4-6. It is all nue if you like that. I wish some of the girls actually wore more. not to much pressure for tips. Not much else to say except I won't be back.

I visited this club during a Thursday afternoon in August. The club itself has a nice sized stage but is looking a bit worn. Girls ranged between 4-8 and were very approachable. A few stopped to talk for a few minutes without soliciting money--very low pressure. Although the girls are nice, I would not waste your money on a dance. The Lehigh Valley is pretty conservative so contact is minimal; expect a low mileage "air dance". Word is that Erv's gets some nice feature dancers; haven't made it to one of those nights. The best part of this club is that it is BYO and you can keep your cooler right next to your stool.