the ultimate strip club list

September 7, 2008  •  Vol. 15, Issue 250

I've been to just about every topless and full nude strip club in the OC, Orange County, and have NEVER had as much fun as me and my buddy KC did when we went this club.

First off, IT WAS FREE to get in, but we had to download the coupon from the website www.captainscabaret.com. I signed up for free stuff but haven't gotten anything yet.

We got in and unlike other clubs, there wasn't that weird sense of everyone staring at you. Most of the people there were over 30 drinking a beer and chatting (yes, talking and socializing like a bar, not google-eying the stage).

KC had a draft beer and I had a 22 of Red Stripe, which I can NEVER find and was stoked that they had it. So one of the girls walks up to me, and I thought it was too good to last (here comes the two drink minimum or lap dance pressure). WRONG, she gave me a kiss on the cheek, said "welome to our club, I'm Rachel, come see me if you'd like a dance".

WHAT?!!! This place just scored big time with me. No drink minimum, free frick'n admission, and NO ATTITUDE or pressure for lap dances. I spent about $100 before THE CHICK WHO SET HER CROTCH ON FIRE came on the stage. I choked on my beer and KC spit his all over the place when she lit IT up!

Oh my freak'n God. This place has it all. Plenty of parking, The Hat to grub on pastrami across the street, all sorts of beers you've never heard of, gorgeous girls (a little older than most clubs, but MUCH more experienced), and no hassle, pressure or weirdness.

I left knowing every girl's name (Jessica, Rachel, Frankie, Italia, and others). Rachel will eat you alive.

This club is KC's and my newest place to chill after a game of golf or on payday (whichever comes first).

I decided to hit up this club one more time during my lunch hour as it was my last couple of days at the company that I worked for which was just down the street from this club. In all honesty, I visit this club so I can kick back and relax away from work and look at pretty girls. I don't go to see how much action I can get on the back couches and I do not take advantage of the free lunch buffet, which I should!

I forgot to print up the free pass to get into the club but I really didn't care since it only costs $5.00 anyway. But I did know to get 15 singles back from the front door person after I paid with a $20.00 bill because of the "tip the dancer on stage no matter what" policy that they have here. I really hate that a lot. In summary, following each of the stage performances, the dancers make their way around the room and stand in front of you basically asking for a dollar, even if you are sitting away from the tip rail. Kind of annoying especially if the girl did a crappy dance on stage. I have been to two clubs with this policy and they should really do away with it.

Since it was my second to last day of work, I gladly purchased an alcoholic beverage and knowing that I probably wouldn't be seing this club for quite a while after this day. As expected, the girls who came around were pretty cute and a couple that I wouldn't have minded taking to the back couches. But I know how lame the couch dances are here so I passed on that idea.

This was a great club when I was in college a few years ago but I believe that my taste in strip clubs have evolved over the years. Maybe it will be a good club for me again when I want to hang out and have a few beers when I am older and need a mellow place to hang. But for now, I am happy with my selection of clubs around SoCal that fits my needs and moods. Good luck to ya', Captain!

Went to the website and downloaded a free entrance pass so I thought I would stop by and check out the stage show. It is a small club with a main stage and a small second stage. The club only had a few customers but it was still early evening. The dancers were beautiful but most had tatooes. After the dancers finished their set on stage, they would go around to each customer and expect a tip, which is a big turn off for me. I left after 1 beer. There are other clubs in Orange County that give you a better value for your money.

I go to this club from time to time when I am in town. First off, the club is rather small. As previously described, there at two stages- a main stage and a satellite stage. The girls, generally, dance 1 song on each stage. Afterwards, the dancer usually circulates and expects to receive a tip ($1). The girls are usually pretty hot and a mix of nationalities. The dances are given in the back along one of two walls that contain rows of seats. Mileage can be okay but it doesn't get too high. Most of the girls are in the 6-9 range. Given its location, Orange County, its a decent club but a drive into other parts (including Los Angeles) will yield better mileage. I think of it as a local bar with topless women.

I visit Captain Cream's fairly regularly during the weekday night shift. (I've been there on weekend nights, but it's a very different and less satisfying experience - too many kiddies with wide eyes and light wallets, and the girls don't have as much time to hang out and chat.)

Even on the "off" nights, the talent level is consistently high, though when it's slow there are sometimes fewer than 10 girls. But that's okay, as it's a smallish club.

Cover is $5 during "off" hours, and $10 at night, but you can print a coupon for free admission from the club's website. Drinks are typical for this kind of club - about $7 for a mixed drink like a Captain and Coke, more for top shelf, less for beer.

Decor and furnishings are classy and comfortable. There are two stages (though the second stage closes when it's slow) and the girls dance to one song on each stage, with a short "interlude" song while they get re-dressed and walk between stages.

Now to the most important factors! The girls themselves are almost all 8+, with a couple of absolute 10's. Many of them are of Eastern European descent, and those tend to be a bit more businesslike, but many of the others are very personable, willing to hang out and chat if you buy them a drink, and able to hold an intelligent and entertaining conversation.

Private dances cost $20; there isn't much privacy, but most of the girls are able to provide a very sensual experience, as long as you're not expecting to get high "mileage".

All in all: i almost always have a great time at the Captain's!

Did another one of my lunch breaks here. It's always a good idea because they usually have a decent spread of food while you kick back and chill. The downside to my weekday visits here is that I usually keep away from the alcohol since I have to go back to work within an hour. It's not like I will get wasted and not be able to drive back. It's more like trying to avoid smelling anything like alcohol. Not so good when I am quite the social one at the office.

In any case, a nice visit this day. I never catch the girls' names simply becuse I don't go there enough. My last visit there was in August of 07. I would think that I would make more visits here since it is in close proximity to my place of business. But nothing really does it here for me. Just a place to kick back and relax for an hour or so. The women are cute. That, I can say about Orange County. They produce some lookers here. I chatted with a couple and enjoyed my time there but I figure that my next visit will fall more in line of about 3-4 months from now.

Call this my "quarterly" club. Overall, a good place to hang out with a bar-like atmosphere. Decent food for lunch and plenty of good-looking hotties to eyeball.

I was at this club due to its proximity to where I was staying on a recent trip. They do have some pretty hot looking girls to watch while you have a couple of drinks. Besides that there is not much value in terms of lap dances. Based on the reviews here I kind of expected that when I walked in, so I could definitely enjoy my time watching the talent.

Just like one of the reviews here said, if you are horny guy, there might be other clubs in the area, but not this one.

Had one of those incredibly slow days at the office so I made my way down to the Captain's for a bit of mid-afternoon R&R. This is the closest club in the area when I am at work. Considering it is more difficult to make the drive up to L.A. County and how the clubs there (which I usually prefer) are more to my liking, I went ahead and settled on this one.

It was nice to walk in there since it was close to 100 degrees out. The cool air in itself was a welcome relief. This club is always well-lit everytime I come to visit. Probably because it acts more like a bar environment than a strip club. Just a few customers sitiing around. Probably a lot of regulars because the girls were greeting them like they knew them pretty well. I was actually pretty hungry when I got there. It feels weird to me to be eating it a strip club. I have never done it before. But my hunger was getting the best of me, so I checked out the spread. It looked pretty good so I grabbed a plate and brought it back to my table where I was enjoying my drink. It wasn't half-bad.

Now the reason that I don't like eating at a club like this is because the girls will often come up and talk to you. And most of the time, it is usually when my mouth is full or have something in my teeth. So I kind of kept an eye out for any stealthy moves that the girls made in my direction.

I did see Regan again from my last visit earlier this year. She was looking as stunning as ever. She sat and cahtted for a while. I was locked on to her pretty face and cute smile for sure. I had to turn down her dance offer as I wasn't up for a private dance after my meal.

So a good visit overall. I killed off about 90 minutes of my day and got a free lunch out of it too. I think I may concentrate more on Regan the next time around. She is well worth it!



Considering I was in the area for biz, I thought I'd stop in. It was around 10pm on a Thursday, so both stages were going and the place was very busy. The good news is that the place is very clean and nice, with lots of beautiful women. The bad news for me, considering I'm not a fan of silicon, is that this is south OC and close to Newport Beach where there are tons of plastic surgeons.

Got talked into a lap dance, that really wasn't, since she never touched me. Should have known that the local laws would refrain from grinding. If you don't mind the enhanced look, it is a good place to see beautiful women and have a cold one.

Went by on a Thursday evening. There were two stages working, and the girls would do the main stage and then go to the side stage for a set. Usually two songs, and topless through the second one. Standard tipping at the stage, but no touching.
The good news is the girls were almost all good looking. Nothing less than a 6 and quite a few 8-9's. The bad news is the lap dances ($20) are with tops on and they are pretty strict about the touching. The girl can rub on you some, but you're supposed to keep your hands by your side the whole time. Numerous comments from the girls about how strict things were in Orange County.
Completely unrelated, but it was a real pleasure to go into the California clubs and not have to deal with the smoking and the smell. First time in a while I haven't had to air out my clothes after a visit to a club.
Bottom line, fun place to go to see good looking topless girls, lap dances will be pleasant but don't expect a lot of nasty for your money

The first thing that I noticed about the place was that they removed the "Cream" from the name of the club. I have always thought that "Captain Cream" was a pretty risque name for a club, especially in conservative South Orange County. So I wonder if that is a reason why they finally changed it up after all of these years and is called what it is today?

In any case, work was incredibly slow for me on a Friday afternoon, and since I work a fairly close distance to the club, I decided to give it a try to see if it was as fun as when I used to visit here over seven years ago. I took an extended lunch at around 1:30, paid my $5.00 entry fee and sat at one of the tables facing the larger of the two stages. It was pretty much the way I remembered it from years past. Probably about 15 patrons in the place having drinks and taking the same extended lunch as I was doing. I only saw about three visible girls present but as my day went along, I counted a total of eight girls working. Apart from two hotties that caught my eye - Regan and Audrey - the talent wasn't all that impressive.

One thing that I don't particularly like about this club is when the dancers complete their set on stage, they make their way around the floor stopping at each guy and basically "asking" for a tip, regardless of if you were watching the show or not. They did it back when I last came in and they are still doing it now. A little annoying and you need to make sure that you have dollar bills in stock because these chicks will give you attitude if you don't give in to their panhandling ways.

There was this one chick who walked right off the stage and right over to me. I didn't find her attractive but knew I had to get my dollar ready as soon as she came over. Anyway, she asks how I am doing and I say that I was doing alright in a very polite manner and a smile on my face. Apparently, I did not have my dollar fast enough to give to her right at that monent and she took it as me being a cheap bastard and not tipping her. I had every intent of giving her a dollar and she walked away all pissed off. To my surprise, I called her back over and told her straight up that I was simply answering her "How are you?" question and she didn't give me a chance to tip her. She knew I wasn't happy with her BS attitude and gave her measley dollar bill. As she attempted to apologize, I cut her off by telling her to have a nice day. She walked away embarrassed but I literally could care less how she felt. Needless to say, she wasn't coming around my direction for the remainder of my stay. All that for a dollar bill? Wow...

I noticed that there was a complimentary lunch set up by the lap area. Audrey and Regan were suggesting that I should try it because it was halfway decent. I just find it strange to eat at a strip club so I passed. I passed on the lap dances too. I didn't ask how much they were but I am assuming that they were still low-mileage bikini dances for $10.00 a pop.

Well, I am glad that I got that out of my system and finally made a visit. In all honesty, not impressed whatsoever. I guess that is a good thing because if I ended up having a good time, I would have found myself spending a lot more of my lunch hours here.


I went there for a birthday party with a group of 8. Cover was $10 and they were very strict about it. It took almost 10 minutes of negotiations before they comped the birthday boy. It is a fairly small club, with about 75 chairs in the main room and then a bank of couches in the back with dividers. There were two stages in the front of the club and the whole room was very well lit. The women were in general pretty good looking. Unfortunately there were only six of them in the club which was to be expected since it was a Sunday. On a scale of 1-10 I would say they averaged an 8.5 with a lot of surgical enhancements. The girls were really pushy and bitchy so that was a major turn off so I ended up not getting a dance. A few of the guys did, and said it was not worth the money. They did serve alcohol which made it a little more enjoyable. Plus that made the club worth the price of admission watching my buddy projectile vomit out the front door on our way out.